Your future is at stake
People with social phobia miss out on many things in life. The joy that life can bring to them is abandoned by their fears. New jobs with better income can be had if you would only spend some time to conquer your social phobia. To get good jobs, education, etc, you must be willing to participate in social activities including socializing in groups. Say you wanted to become an executive in a prominent company. What do you think that it would take for you to get to that position? First, you would need social skills and the ability to deal with other people effectively. To have these qualities, which you have the power to do – you have to overcome your social phobia. That’s right, you do have these qualities within you, but it takes you to develop them by completing this systematic program.
No-one knows what will happen tomorrow, so you shouldn’t waste too much time worrying about it. Now, you will focus on the here and now. This step you will follow is called ‘cognitive focusing’.
Understanding Emotions
We all deal with emotions daily. Emotions are something we as people cannot hide from, but we can shape our emotions to help them fall into place more easily. When we are upset, our emotions can heighten our feelings and blow them out of proportion. One may feel strong emotions or feelings and even feel agitated when these feelings emerge. It is because some disturbance has caused us to feel uneasy. We call these disturbances ‘triggers’.
When someone or something such as thoughts interrupts our feelings, it activates the emotions. Again, emotions will not emerge until they are triggered, which often starts with a thought.
Your thoughts are the biggest triggers of all, since these little rascals will wander and stroll off into space if you let them. We need to remain focused on the here and now.
Yesterday is behind you, tomorrow is yet to be discovered. Today is what we have now. If you were involved with someone in the past that put you down, now is the time to take control and show them who the boss is. When you let past relationships dictate you, you lose control of yourself. This means you are subject to phobias, panic attacks and other emotional disorders.
Emotional disorders can hinder you from finding true love or prevent you from getting the job of your dreams. So repeat after me: “I am a socialite”. Go on, say it again – and louder! You just affirmed that you are a socially important individual.
Socialize
Today or tonight, we expect you to go out and meet new people. Mingle with people in the supermarket. Talk to people on the streets. Use good judgment to decide who you want talk to but talk to someone.
As people walk by you, say hi to them. Watch their reactions. When negative thoughts develop, replace them with positive thoughts. Go talk with your neighbors. Ask your friends and family to join you for dinner. Practice these steps every day this week and into the next week until you start to feel socially active.
When you feel anxious, practice breathing techniques to help you calm down. Relax your muscles. Clear your mind so that you can focus on the here and now. When you direct your focus onto your external actions away from internal emotions you take measures to focus more clearly and reduce the chances of thinking negative.
When you meet, new people think of some of the similarities that you share. For instance, both of you dress the same, i.e. you put your legs in to your pants to wear them. You both wear underclothes, socks, etc. those are similar traits. You also eat the same, and have emotions that overwhelm you from time to time. You both crave nourishment to survive, water to live and love to keep you going. Each time you feel that you don’t belong, consider the similarities that you share with other people.
If you talk to people, you just might find that you share some common concerns. Other people are just like you. They have problems too and it is up to them to overcome those problems. They may not have social phobia, but some other people actually do feel uneasy meeting other people. They may feel rejected, but the rejection may not be overwhelming to them. Instead, they may shake it off and move onto to meet other people just like them.
You too can take part in that social chain of reactions. All you have to do is convince yourself that you are just as important as the next person is. Remember that people are all different. You have a group of people that just can’t accept anyone, because they never learned how to accept themselves. You have other groups that see you for who you are.
Putting your problems in a storeroom container
Now you will be asked to put all of your problems in an imaginary storeroom container >>> (opens in a new window).
Role-Playing
Review the problems and solutions. Since everyone is different, it is hard to say what you think about yourself. Phobias are a state of mind. Usually people with phobias tend to doubt their abilities. They will develop irrational thinking patterns that cause them anxiety.
Let’s say that you are afraid to join an educational program because you fear that you will have to interact with others. Realistically, you will have to interact with your peers and teachers. Think of your wants and needs first. Say you want to earn a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.
Let’s do some final role-playing – picture yourself with a group of peers and teachers. Think of yourself as being one of the teachers or leader of the group if you will. Your goal now is to help your students understand how they can conquer social phobia and test anxiety.
On your made-up chalkboard, draw a formula. Let’s say one of your students has an unhealthy fear of flying. In your formula, rate the degree of fear based on this formula.
Unforeseen X Relevancy = Unforeseen level of anxiety
Using this formula, set up a table. On a scale, ask your student to measure his anxiety when he thinks of flying. Say the student predicts a scale of 8 x 10, which equates to 80%. This means that student 80% of the time fears flying while 20% of the time the student doesn’t think about flying at all.
What can you do to help this student overcome his phobia of flying? First, you would probably ask the student to focus on some anxiety provoking situations that involve flying. Next, you would probably help the student by directing him to generate new ideas to help him overcome his fear followed up by requesting the student to return to the first step.
Flying in an airplane is safer than driving a vehicle on the road. One out of ten vehicles may crash easily while 1 out of 10 planes rarely crash. On that note, the student with the fear of flying irrationally came up with the notion that planes are dangerous. Thus, this student does not have the fear of flying per se, thus, he has the fear of dying.
Check your fears carefully. If you have social phobia then likely the problem stemmed from some unknown fear from your past.
Now create a formula that works for you.
The formula should appear like this:
Learning from the geniuses
Einstein was a bona fide and proven genius. People judged him, they insulted him and they even tried desperately to prove him a liar. Jesus was a man of integrity who was persecuted. If these special people in our past who strived to bring us good were rejected by some people, don’t think that you will not be rejected along the way too. Just shake off the rubbish and go for the winners in the game of life.
Now we move you into acceptance. You are responsible this week for practicing accepting your reality. Take steps to create an image of yourself. Don’t leave room for self-defeating thinking. Use a mirror if you like and visualize yourself as a winning player in the game of life.
Continue your steps to socializing in public. Each day, walk somewhere in your neighborhood and say hi to a passerby. Talk to friends and neighbors, asking them to join you in fun entertainment experiences, dinners, movies, etc. Take a dare. If you have singing abilities, go out and do some Karaoke. Don’t sweat the people; just focus on what you want to accomplish. If you like dancing, go out and do some dancing with friends or family members. Let your body move you to have fun instead of worrying about what others think of you.
Learning some effective ways to reduce stress can help you avoid emotional turmoil. When you feel that you have mastered your social phobia, don’t let anyone rob you of your success.
When you feel overwhelmed, do some physical exercise. Studies show that those who exercise can overcome stress easily moreover, exercise will help you build confidence and self-esteem: it creates an outlet for you. You can participate in ballgames with others or go to the gym to help you maintain your social interaction.
When feelings rush in and overwhelm, you talk it out. If no-one is around, use self-talk techniques to help you overcome your problem. If you can find a good friend or family member to listen, let them help you work through your emotions.
Follow the AA rule to recognition. That is learn to accept the things that you cannot change and work hard to change the things that you can change. Forgiveness fits into this scenario. If someone from your past caused you harm that helped to lead to your social phobia, try to forgive that person. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life but it means you can move forward.
Avoid the use of excessive alcohol and drugs. These self-medicating tools only direct you back to social phobia. Drink responsibility and avoid drugs.
Rest is important. If you have problems sleeping, talk with your doctor to get some help with transforming your resting habits. Otherwise, go to bed at a descent hour.
Instead of dwelling on the things you cannot change, focus on helping others. Perhaps your mom needs some help with household chores. Maybe your dad needs a friend to talk to or watch a movie with.
Invite others into your life carefully. Inviting people into your life is OK, but you should use good judgment consistently to help you avoid falling back into the trap of starting up unstable relationships. Focus on meeting people with goals and plans. Consider the people who want to make a positive difference in life. Choose your friends wisely, because bad association spoils useful habits.
Start making yourself accessible to others. Instead of wading in sorrow, start focusing on how you can interact with other people. Take some time to meet new people each day. Remember, not everyone will be your friend, but you will meet some people along the way that will find you interesting. Act with confidence when you meet new people so that they will be left with a good impression of you.
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