In this step to overcome social phobia, we will combine cognitive behavioral therapy with some cognitive restructuring therapy to help you conquer your social phobia. The millions of people who suffer from emotional disorders often experience symptoms that have developed over time and they all relate to the harmful things they hold in their mind that stem from mistaken beliefs.
What you accept as true about yourself plays into your social phobia. What you imagine the world thinks of you has a strong and painful impact into how you react. Your emotional thinking factors into the way you directly interact with other people.
All Behaviors are Learned
CRT combined with CBT is a modern technique used by many counselors to overcome social phobia, because they know that new behaviors can be learned and replace the defective behaviors and reactions.
Intrinsically, people have a tendency to intercede their thinking patterns with their feelings, which only adds to social phobia. They often fail to relate those feelings and thinking patterns to their behaviors. According to experts, unstable relationships are one of the leading causes of many problems that people face today. Looking at the concept from all angles, we can see that they are right.
Human beings think first. Before we experience any emotional distress, thoughts develop in our minds, whether they are subconscious or conscious thoughts. When emotions take over we often react irrationally. Unconstructive emotions often develop and stem from unstable relationships that we had in the past and from distorted or unclear thinking. Throughout your life, you may develop distorted thinking habits caused by relationships with your family members or friends. Perhaps someone told you repeatedly when you were growing up that you would never amount to anything. They may have told you that you are not good enough to be a success. All of those things will have contributed to your social phobia. Whatever you learned, it is time to reconstruct your thinking so that you can overcome those lies that were told to you. It’s time for you to take charge of what you think and overcome social phobia.
We will now use some CRT and CBT approaches to help you reconstruct your emotions and be rid of your social phobia. You may consider your strengths and weaknesses through this process and use your strengths to your advantage in overcoming social phobia.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Please place some emphasis on your aptitude to focus on the here and now. Imagine yourself with the control to decide on what you want to believe is true about yourself. Think positively and focus on changing the way you think about yourself to reconstruct your current thinking patterns and emotional distresses in order to overcome social phobia.
Focus
Focus on your strengths and weaknesses. Write down your strengths and weaknesses and assess them closely so you can see how they would help you overcome social phobia.
The Person-Centered Approach to conquering social phobia
Using the person-centered approach, we will help you to conquer your social phobia. This approach is part of the CRT and CBT perspectives. Your goal is to learn how to listen better and start relationships with others. Your relationships should start with positive people who are looking to improve their life as well.
Write down the names of some of the people that you interacted with in the past. You don’t have to write down every single person you know, just the names of the people most important to you, or that you instantly think of first.
Now, assess those relationships carefully. Write down your connections with those people. What drew you to them? Were they family, friends, lovers, teachers, etc.? What made you feel attracted to these people? If they were family members, what did you learn from them? How were their beliefs reflected on you? How did you interact with each of these people in your past? When you developed romantic relationships, were you in a stable or unstable relationship?
Take some time to write down your important past relationships. They could be friends, families, lovers or anyone else you believe to have had a major impact on you.
Compare those past relationships. Throughout the analysis process, you should look for common traits and a history of bad associations that may have contributed to your social phobia. Think about how those people made you feel. Think about the way you reacted to their negative connotations or behaviors.
Did those people make you feel lonely, abandoned, ashamed etc. and cause you to isolate yourself from society?
Sure, they contributed to your social phobia, but YOU let them take control of your life. You have to come to terms with that so that you can change it. Thus, to reform your thinking habits and behaviors you have to believe that you are a good person and deserve to be treated right by others.
Mistakes are made when phobias or anxiety takes over the mind. People who have a social phobia tend to focus on what other people are thinking about them. It is often because they feel that the other person is judging them. Dwelling on this mistaken belief leads them into panic attacks or anxiety attacks, which develops into social phobia.
Why do we both so much about what people think of us? The most common answer is because people strive to leave the best impression on others rather than focus on being whom they are. They build a superficial character that they think will be socially approved of. People notice this in you, and they will feel that you are not any fun to be with because you cannot relax and have fun.
People who believe that others are judging them often strive to impress other people and when someone else feels the tension this creates in you, they may reject you as phony. When you have been rejected, it is a simulated confirmation that you were right all along to believe that people would not what to know you. You may feel that you did not measure up to the other person's expectations.
It’s time to lighten up and give yourself a break!
Never expect more from yourself than you can manage to give
We should never expect more from ourselves than we can give. NO-ONE is perfect. People are imperfect human beings that make mistakes daily. There is no way to escape those mistakes, but there is a way to reduce the mistakes you make.
Your first mistake was worrying about what others were thinking of you. Who cares what they think? What matters is what you think about yourself. Most times, people are not even thinking about you like you imagine they must be; instead, they have their own matters to attend to. They are, like you, looking for commonalities in relationships to determine if that person has a place in their life.
When you feel that you have not measured up to someone else’s expectations, you often feel like a failure. You may feel that you are not worth anything and that you are unattractive.
Stop Right There!
Did you look in the mirror lately? Did you consider the compliments people have given you over the years?
Below is a Smart Diagram. Use it to write down the compliments you have received from others over the course of your lifetime. Measure your compliments by adding them up and evaluating what those compliments mean to you. Measure those compliments, comparing them with the negative connotations that you received. Determine which matters more to you. What did those compliments mean to you?
Take those compliments and store them in your memory bank because you will be using them later to help you conquer your social phobia. It is up to you to correct the negative thinking habits and emotional distortions that you store in your mind that have caused your social phobia.
Every single person on this planet, no matter which creed, race, or beliefs they share, is EQUAL to everyone else. The day someone claims they are better than you is the same day you need to ask that person to seek professional help. Those people develop an arrogant attitude, which is often directed to others and it is up to person the attitude is being directed to, to accept or forget it. Most times people who seem to think they are better than you have a subconsciously poor outlook of themselves and are just trying to prove their fears of inferiority wrong. It is negative thinking that must be reconstructed.
Do you feel lonely? Is your social phobia causing you to feel like you can’t mix with other people? You are not alone; over 6 billion people or more feel lonely too. The key to overcoming this element of social phobia is to do something about it by facing your symptoms head on and finding a way that works best for you to stop feeling lonely.
Keep adding up the compliments you received throughout your life and ask yourself, what do they mean to you? That should start to help you develop a more positive self image so you feel you are a person worthy of friends and one that people would like to know. This way, you can get over your self-defeating thoughts that feed your social phobia.
Three phases to identifying self-defeating thoughts
Part of curing your social phobia involves identifying your self-defeating thoughts, or negative thinking patterns that cause your social phobia. To help you identify those thinking habits we can consider some therapeutic procedures that have helped millions like yourself master your negative thinking. This part of CBT/CRT involves three phases.
In the first phase, you will be asked to identify your thinking habits again. You will be asked to think about those thoughts more carefully. In the second phase, you will be asked to record those thoughts in your diary. For example, when you feel negative thoughts emerging, such as “I am not good enough for that person”, write them down immediately. When your negative thinking develops, record, your reactions, thoughts, symptoms, etc and examine them immediately. Ask yourself questions during your observation therapy. When did those thoughts develop? What made me feel this way? Why did those thoughts develop? Who made those thoughts develop? How did those thoughts develop?
Move to replacing your negative thoughts with something positive. Examine your compliments once more to help you find some good things that you can tell others about yourself. Throughout this process, you will be building your self-esteem.
Visit a Friend
Take the next step forward by planning a visit to someone’s house. Consider someone you know who builds up your self-esteem or a positive image of yourself. Better yet, plan a date or join a social group.
The more you participate in these activities the more likely you are to build assertive skills to improve your relationships. You will start to build empathy as well as self-disclosure. The ultimate result will be that you will develop the ability to deepen your relationships with others around you. You will improve your problem-solving and decision-making skills as well. Ultimately, you will be able to plan your future and improve your relationships with yourself and others.
Make new friends. Remember, when you learn to love you, loneliness becomes a state of mind that you can control. You can either enjoy time alone with yourself, or else plan to meet with people you enjoy socializing with. It’s your choice and you are worth every single step you take to improve your life.
During this reconstruction phase, you will be asked to identify your thinking patterns. Note the self-defeating thought processes as they occur. Devise a plan to replace those negative thinking habits with positive influences. Use self-coping and enriching thoughts to replace your self-defeating thinking. Practice this procedure daily until you have mastered your social phobia.
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